Trusting thy sun tea.

I caught the bouquet at my sister's wedding reception. Reflecting back on it, it feels contrived. There were three of us- the "catchees", my aunt, myself, and someone my cousin was dating at the time. The three of us were trying to catch the thing and it pretty much went right to me because I was in the middle and Neecol has good aim. So... I call it contrived since she knew I wanted it and, you know, I was in the middle. It seems sad to me that I, not only wanted the bouquet because of it's symbolic reference to the catchee being the next one to get married, but also because I felt that I wanted to intervene on my own fate that badly. I didn't just let it happen. It may seem insignificant to bystanders and readers, but I feel sad with myself that I won't let fate do what it does. This action to me just instills in me this thought that I don't trust the universe to give me good things or to take care of me as it has always unspokenly promised it would.

That being said, I'd like to say- I get so desperate to communicate my thoughts that I blurt things out. I do this frequently. This is one of those times. Yesterday was one of those times. The day before was one of those times. So on. Pretty sure no one understands what I try to convey 90% of the time. But you'll have that. I'm a little hectic sometimes.

Today is the... 9th, yeah?

I have a lot of thoughts.

I have an issue with stifling myself. I'm working on this. Everything starts with trusting thyself. . . . . . . . . .


"Everybody is original if they tell the truth, if they speak from their true self. but it must be from their true self and not from the self they think they should be. So remember these two things: you are talented and you are original."

Brenda Ueland has said this.

There is a mantra that I'm borrowing from Keri Smith. She said I could. It goes like this: I am grateful for the ability to learn from this situation. I will do my best to helf myself move forward and into my greatest, most powerful potential.

This to me seems like the key to the core of my issue. Taking things as they come. Taking and molding from what I've taken.

These things aside, I wrote something the other day in my notebook. I'm going to enter it below.


Heaven is another marker on the staple of the engineering of our being wise. To take it as it is, like a torture, it's so permanently comfortable with being so untold.

I don't think I have anything else to say at the moment. I'm brewing more sun tea. I've done so everyday this week since Sunday. I really love it. I feel like I'm really taking in the Sun that way. It's nice.

In news, we've got this little chihuahua now that I call "Z". Brian gave her to me. I bonded with her right away upon meeting her and just desired her presence in my life so much. It surprised me. Merry meetings. =)

Hmwell, back to my thoughts and sun tea. Good day!